The Allusion of Life (can you find it?)

Points to Melora for keeping her blog updated at a critical time in her progress!

Not.

Sorry. I guess I've meant to update. And now I'm here! The day before I depart to into an undiscovered country. Namely, Witchita.

So what's new? I can walk! Kind of. I am allowed to put 50% of my weight on my left leg. Only several more days now till Tuesday, and then I can put my full weight on it. Right now, I'm hobbling around at school with crutches. And they do have a name! Their name is Dopple/ganger, though it is often difficult to distinguish one from the other. I will admit, I did have help coming up with the genius name Doppleganger. I owe that one to Jasper Fforde, a wonderful writer who writes about...literature. But not in a dry way.

Back to subject!
I have a triumph! I have moved back upstairs to the lighter colored realms. Those of you who have witnessed the happiness of my room know what I am talking about. For those of you who haven't...
My room is a burst of sunshine. The walls are covered with blue, orange, and pink paint, alternately and the walls also slant up at the top. There are even little alcoves that wander off with windows at the end. A pink shag rug adorns the floor while and almost identical blue coverlet reclines on my bed. My bookshelves are stuffed with books which lay haphazard because there isn't enough room. My CDs are in a similar state. In all, my room is an oasis of brightness and happiness and cherrfulness and nicety. And especially since it is smelling like spring outside, my room now smells like nothing is impossible. But then I return to "the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" as life sometimes feels. But my room is always a reprieve, an escape, to these feelings. So moving back upstairs has been feeling like a kind of heaven for me. I can drive now, by the way. I'm a fairly good driver, so this has been such a lovely thing for me.

By the way, not to damper the feeling, but yes, to damper the feeling, my next surgery is already scheduled for June11. yay.

Hoy es el dia!

Today is the day! In roughly 1 hour I walk into Dr. Guyton's office to see if he deems me worthy of that lovely blessing, walking. A blessing which I will probably take for granted again, but not for a very long while.

'Count your blessings' is all I'm saying.

I'm very excited. I've had a countdown, oddly enough not on here, but other places to this day. Finally, walking. Putting weight on that leg. I get to go upstairs so I won't fail out of my classes. I used to say pre-cal, but since I aced my last test, I'm more concerned with AP English. Anyways, interesting news which calls attention to my bum leg even though it sounds weird: my left thigh grew a half inch! This is good, because it means I'm not atrophying or anything. The pool work has payed off. Possibly the hydrotrack would've been better, but I'm too stinking tall. Alas, my long, impossibly troublesome legs!

Well, there it is: I might be able to soar on 1 1/4 leg in a couple of hours! Wish me luck!

Deviating from the norm

This has really nothing to do with hips. Unless you construe it in some weird, unseemly way. These are about recommendations, you could say.

The first is a recommendation of - drumroll, please - cartoon (ism?). Yes. Me, getting into cartoons. Unlikely, you think. But really, this guy who does them is a friend of my sister. AKA, I don't know him personally. But funny enough, I like most of his work. Especially his space/time continuum comic. The outlay is not very professional (or so I've been told), but I like his stuff.
So here it is!:
http://lewis.comicdish.com/?pageID=56

The other is for creative people, you might say. People who like to get inspired occasionally and would like to have a nice place to do it. It's full of arts and crafts and ideas and ...well....pretty much everything. Here goes!:
http://blog.freepeople.com/

Yay! And yes, this is the third post today. I am breaking records all over the place!

Plans for the future.

Guess what arrived in the mail today!


This did!:

Ok. Not Dr. Gregory House, but his cane did! For several weeks, I shall be needing a cane, and so I ordered this one! Isn't it pretty! I got home and it was just there waiting for me. Aww....
I need to give it a name. Like Elsa, my walker, and Tracy, my wheelchair. Funny enough, I haven't named my crutches, even though I got primer all over them the other day. Now that was a chilly day.

So I know have a cane with flame decals up the bottom! I'm keeping it till I die, pretty much.

It's Free Hug Day, by the way! I posted a piece of paper on myself to day that said "Free Hugs", but I made the H too wide so a lot of people thought it said "Free Mugs" instead. It's funny. I hardly got any hugs at all, except from my close friends during the day. When I came into the band room, everybody hugged me. It was so much fun! If you aren't familiar with the Free Hugs Campaign, watch this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4&feature=related

Yay!

I have a dream...

...that one day...
Just kidding. To quote MLK Jr. is not the purpose of this post. To relay a dream I had, however, is.

I had a vivid dream the other night. No, it did not concern Goodwill in outer space, but it did concern something with my "situation". Even though there were a whole lot of other things that happened in the dream-something that had to do with a hotel or motel where 1100 Cherry road should be and a lot of....emotion- I still retain the part of my dream that pertains to walking. You see, I was charged with some emotion, and whether that was anger, fear, disappointment, grief, or anything else, I don't know. All I know is that it was a negative emotion. And when I feel like that in real life, I just want to fly away, or more accurately, run. But I never do, in real life.

But in this dream, I did just that. I ran away. I started walking up Cherry Road as hard and as fast as I could, digging my heels into the concrete like I usually do when I'm passionate about something. And then I tried to run. But every time I started to run, my left leg would crumple under me and I would fall to the ground. So I was forced to walk. And then I tried to run again and I still couldn't do it. So I turned around and started back to where I had come from, alternately walking and then falling on my face.

In real life, I have only once or twice encountered that terrible feeling that my body was abandoning me. A couple times when I tried to do something before my surgery, and my left hip fell out from under me. And then in the hospital the few days after my surgery, when my leg wouldn't move. I was exerting a force that would have normall kicked my leg like a can can dancer's, but all the ground I was attaining was a few inches.

I don't know why this terror visited me in my sleep. Some might read this account of a dream and say that it is pathetic and feel sorry for me. Some might read it as a longing to get a way. Some would probably get metaphorical with it. Some might think it is funny, in a light moment with a light telling of the tale. I see it as desperation. I've had dreams like it before, is the funny part. I had a dream where I was walking with a huge tray of fruit-don't ask why, even I don't know- and I suddenly remembered in the middle that I was quasi-disabled, so I would start limping in the middle of the dream. Then I gave it up and started walking normal.

Food for subconcious thought.

By the way, anyone, from my sister to Mrs. Pinkerton, to any other friends who are not commenting, are free to comment. I'm pretty sure I have it opened to all people.

Guess which picture is not like the other...

Since I know that several casually following this blog have a slight interest in photography (granted, some more than others), I decided to include this quote I just heard which was quick to move to the top of my favorites:

"He never recovered his sanity. Luckily, he was a photographer, so it didn't matter much."

-Garrison Keillor

Now, down to buisness. Even though I received this latest update a couple of weeks ago, I haven't put it up yet, and for that I am truly sorry. Well, here goes: all new and improved.

Sorry about the crummy scanning. I have to admit, I am absolutely pathetic when it comes to scanners. But you get the gist. I promise, if I get a better scan, I will post it. I haven't gotten the chance yet, but the first chance I get, I'm going to see if I set off metal detectors. I have actually come across a half-chance to be wanded, but he passed me over because I was in a wheelchair, and late. :( I will find out though. Maybe after a second surgery...

I've started going to physical therapy twice a week. At first, they threw me on the hydrotrack, an underwater treadmill. Since the water lifts gravity's spell, people like me are able to walk without giving pause. When I told them that I remembered these vividly from when I was 3, even the physical therapists gave me a shocked look. Apparently, they don't get too many two year olds as candidates for surgery and recovery. Unfortunately, after only one appointment on the hydrotrack, I got kicked off. What got me kicked off? My height. The water needs to come up to a certain level for full effect, and apparently 5'8"ish is too tall for the machine. So I'm subjected to pool work only, which is actually kind of fun. My main therapist is a graduate from Harding, so we chat about former teachers and classmates that might have come back. Ironically, one of her best friend's is (former) Coach Myatt, now Coach Myatt Starks. When she asked if I knew Kevin Starks, I almost laughed, considering I was in his first and only 7am Bible class last year. An....interesting experience. Filled with Basketball talk, racist jokes (but only black and white people), and some very interesting glasses of sweet tea (right Melanie?).

The person who owns the first blogspot for hip dysplasia and PAO I looked at named her hip/leg Uber Uma. I remembered that. And though I have not named my hips - yet - despite yelling and thumping (not after the surgery, of course) and some more talking, I have named my modes of transportation. My wheelchair, because of its title: the Tracer SX5, has earned a name as Tracy. My walker is named Elsa, for no apparent reason at all, though it may be related to a very good book, Winter of Fire. I don't know. For now, I must bid you adieu (which is a really good word to use in scrabble or speed scrabble)!

New Years?

Ok. I'm a little late. As in half a month late. But I have finally decided on my new year's resolution, even though I decided long ago that they are worthless. My new year's resolution: learn to walk for the third time. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen. The third time. How many of you can lay claim to that?! Hmm? Hmm? For a status report for those not in the area presently or who just don't see me often or those whom I lie to about my condition (sorry y'all, it gets really tiring to give a full status report to everyone, so you just end up saying "fine" a whole lot): I am practically painless. I'm just waiting, waiting, waiting for the bone to heal. Sometimes my incision hurts cause I stretch it too far when laying on my side, or my muscles decide they don't want to move so that I end up sore, but for the most part, I'm painless. I've started going back to school, in a wheelchair of course, so that I don't fall over and die. The death refers to a HUGE reconstructive surgery I would have to go through and approximately 4 more months of immobility. Yeah. Not happening. But there are some good things that come out of the surgery.

Pros:
*My seven inch scar. Some ask if I have my vitimin E handy, which is a formula that actually reduces scar tissue. The thing is, I have a weird affection and pride for my scars. This scar will be the sixth permanent scar I have. Five are from hip surgery/leg breakage and one is from cracking my head open. In a weird way, they seem to represent all that's happened to me and therefore are a natural part of me. I wouldn't erase them away for the world.

*My dead spot. I actually feel like Mal (Firefly/Serenity) on this one. Instead of having a dead, unfeeling spot in my kidneys, I have a dead, unfeeling, nerveless area about 2 inches to the left of my scar. It's actually pretty neat. I keep getting freaked out though cause I accidentaly feel it, realize I don't and then get the shivers. My dream, though, is to get into a fight and someone stab my in my hip and then I shake the hair out of my eyes and say in a deadly voice "I don't feel that. But you'll feel this!" and then plant a flying kick into their chest. It'll be great!

*The incredible support. Everyone at school, faculty, staff, friends, colleagues, have showed incredible support to make sure I can still learn everything, and go everywhere I need to. It's so amazing.

Cons:
*The explanatory process. I hate explaining to people what happened to me. I don't mind for about two people, but after a while, explaining to everyone what happened is just so tiring. And you can't just run away from the question, cause you're either in a walker or crutches (muletas!) or a wheelchair. One girl who I didn't even know responded this way when I told her I had hip dysplasia: "You mean, the things that dogs get!?" Yes. The things that dogs get.

*The death of spontaneity. Every once in a while you get an impulse. The impulse to tickle someone, to sneak up behind them, or to dance in the rain. All that was taken away for a while. I realized about a week ago that I won't be able to dance for a bit more than two months. Not that I dance professionally, or even as a hobby, but I like to. I do a twirl when I feel happy, I dance when that certain song comes on that just makes you want to move, I move like that all the time. It's so sad to feel that you can't do that anymore.

*Oh yeah, I can't walk.

*Friends you didn't know you had. I won't say her name, but there's a girl at school I am acquainted with. I don't know her that much and really don't care to. But know that I'm in a wheel chair, I'm her best friend. Wow. I'm really working this italics thing, aren't I? People want to push you around everywhere. Personally, it's a little hit on my pride. Like I can't get myself to places, or what?

Well, that's pretty much it. Sorry for my inattentiveness lately. Wow. I seem to apologize everytime I write. Oops. (But I won't apologize.) :D